Tuesday, January 29, 2008

It's all about the Roosevelts AKA Good things come to those who wait and don't pick up worthless pennies

Puffy had it all wrong.

The other day I was talking to Adam about pennies. That day I had seen three pennies down near apt 24 on the ground, and then another penny somewhere else. It didn't take me long to realize that picking up the pennies wasn't worth my time. So I walked by them, several times that day and subsequent days. I was holding out for the real stuff.

And then it started to happen. Yesterday at Cindy's I found a quarter on her window sill... the outside part. I still don't know how you "drop" a quarter on to a narrow surface about chest level. I don't know if it would be more likely to drop it, or place it there. Neither situation makes sense. But that was just the trickle before the deluge of fortune I encountered today.

So today I was walking home and as I walked by Fernwood I noticed a dime on the ground. Oh wait there was another, and another, and another... Actually there were a total of 10 dimes in about a 1.5 ft radius. It was like... aztecs gold or something... minus the curse that is. Which would then make it like normal gold... in very small quantities equaling 10 cents each. Anyway, I picked all ten of my new dimes up and walked home. Two thoughts crossed my mind.

One - Dimes are sweet. I think nuclear weapons are measured in equivalent tons of TNT per volume or weight or something. That is how I think we should measure coins. Not firepower per weight, but buyerpower. Think of it. The dime is smaller than the penny, but kicks its trash in worth. It's worth ten of those copper/zinc suckers. And how about the nickel? Oh yeah, about half the weight, a slimmer figure, and it is still worth twice the nickel. What about the quarter? Now I am a fan of quarters. But I think dimes still win out in a value/weight comparison. I won't even attempt to analyze the half dollar or Sacagawea, those aren't even real coins. Basically the dime kicks trash.

Two - How does someone drop 10 dimes onto the sidewalk unknowingly? I picked up a girl for a date a couple days ago and we were walking about 50 feet behind a guy. We heard a clanging sound of a dropping coin and looked down to see what we had dropped, only to realize it was he that had dropped something. So how do you lose 10 dimes and not notice it.... 10 dimes, folks! Unless they were deaf, and then I would feel bad about stealing from them. But then again, who has 10 dimes on them anyway. If you would, it seems like you would have them in your hand or something, and even if you were deaf, you would still be able to realize that you dropped the 10 dimes you were holding. It just seems unlikely that someone would be holding 10 dimes in your pocket, that also coincidentally had a hole in it. Agh, for the life of me I can't recreate any plausible situation in which one would unknowingly drop 10 dimes. So either it was intentional, which would lead to a whole other discussion of why anyone would want to drop 10 dimes (Aztec gold?!?!?), orrrrr..... it never happened, and the dimes don't even exist.

In fact, in light of how much easier it was to dismiss my own existence rather than grapple with the impossibilities of the human mind, I think I will take that route again. Apparently the dimes do not exist, since I fail to find any possible reason why someone would have dropped them.

Mr. Archiblog and I have also decided to add "Gunsmoke" to our lexicon of expletives. You may not think that it is very... explete (expleting?), but it must be since it was one of the many words edited out of 8Ball and MJG's hit song "Relax and Take Notes."

Well, that's about it for this gunsmokin' post.


Adam Murphy said...

HAHAHA speaking of change... I thought of a would you rather... what denomination of coin adding upto a dollar would you swallow? 1 silver dollar? Two half dollars? Four quarters? etc...
rock band was sweeeeet we should play more.

arkangel said...

Put me down for 10 Roosies (shortened version of "Roosevelts" pronounced roo-zees that I am trying to catch on. I fear, however, that those prone to use such slang in reverence to denominations, i.e. gangsters, have limited use in transactions involved such small denominations as dimes). I'd swallow 10 dimes any day, even when it wasn't a hypothetical. Cause hey... free dollar!

Yeah, rock band rocked. Let's play again.

Morebadger said...

So, Gabe, you know about the glories of the glitter(coin). I was thinking that this would be a good time to ask you if you wanted to be my speaker, or Vice President. I have a few uncirculated coin sets hidden in a WWII amunition box...huh? huh?(that is a hard expression to type, but you can see my eyebrows raise with each "huh" and an unsure smile spread across my face)